I just realized something.

This is the freaking last week of holidays!

WTF!

How can I not realize this???!!!! I regret the times I’ve spent procrastinating doing my projects. Then again, that’s what holidays are for; for you to relax, and take your time. Still, after I found out that I have very little time left, I quickly drank my coffee, hoping that I’ll stay up for the day and I shall start doing my next sewing project. I still have 3 fabrics left and I know I can finish them all before the semester starts but I still want to sew more. gaaah! I hate being myself, for wanting to do many things yet I’m glad I do know how to utilize my free time.

There are things I didn’t get to do during my holidays. Things that maybe I’ve forgotten to do. Like, rock climbing, exercise more, join a gym near my house, redesign my blog and continuing my sewing lessons. Oh well, maybe next time then. But atleast I’ve sewed quite a lot (not really) because I might not be able to this next semester break as I’m planning to do my internship, get it over with once and and for all, hope that I won’t screw it up. Ha ha, most likely not. And atleast I’ve also managed to lose a few kilos. I should might as well practice on Autocad as soon as semester starts because I do not want to come to class, forgetting everything, thank god I bought an Autocad book, which is not that easy to follow (ha-ha, boo!).

ANYWAY, before I start working on my next project, let’s see what I’ve done previously. I made them about 3 weeks ago and have since only made one which I haven’t taken pictures of.

Lil miss origami danielle

I was lazy to draft a pattern myself and so I downloaded Danielle pattern and it turns out it takes just as much time to put all the printed pieces together. And I added those origami things on the bodice just to make it looks more interesting and gives the illusion of fuller top.

It was four in the evening and I was watching Pelham 123 on my mac, lying peacefully on my bed when someone knocked on the door. I immediately knew it was Aida, my 8 y.o. baby sister. As usual, she wasn’t there when I opened the door and then she jerked to me, in an attempt to surprise me. As usual, I pretended to be surprised, and she laughed, happy that she succeeded. I couldn’t resist her cute chubby little body so I attempted to hug her. She saw it coming and resisted, “no, I don’t want to hug you”

“who wanted to hug you anyway? BOO!” I said, covering my disappointment.

“awak buat apa?”

“watching movie. why?”

“oh, I want to watch also” she said, with her cute high pitch voice but with a bit of childish ego.

“yeah, sure, you can lie beside me” I said, as I threw myself on my bed. However, she didn’t join me, and went for the bathroom instead. She left the door open, so I thought she wanted to take a piss but then I heard,

“uuuh. uhhhhh”

“AIDA BERAK KE???” I screamed.

“uh-huh” she answered calmly.

“TUTUP LA PINTU!”

She giggled.

After she finished her little business, she said goodbye and went out of my room leaving me baffled of her motive. Of all the bathrooms in the house, why mine? Why did she even bother to run upstairs just to use my bathroom while she could have conveniently used the one downstairs? She even said she wanted to join me watch the movie, but why didn’t she? She always join me watch movies. Hmm… interesting.

She never fail to amuse me ever since she was born over 8 years ago. I still think that she’s a baby sometimes but it’s not fair to not want her to grow up cause she has to. I guess this is pretty much how parents feel about their kids.

Something happened on that day. Something BIG. Not too big. But big enough. Especially for me. I’m the first child and the only involvement I’ve ever had in a wedding was putting a few grand of money into an album and putting sweets into small paper bags. So, I have absolutely no idea about wedding tradition.

And, out of nowhere, in the middle of sewing, and jumping around the house, I went through the first malay wedding tradition phase, merisik. Eddie came with his parents, and eventhough it was not the first time I’ve met his parents, for some reason, I was nervous during the whole time they were talking. I had sweaty palms, and I was trying not to shake my legs. I think I did a good job at hiding it but inside, my heart was pounding hard especially when his mother pulled out a ring. The ring we both picked just the day before, and it still made me nervous.

Honestly, I didn’t really expect a merisik tradition since, traditionally the purpose was to ask whether the girl has anyone else or not, and to accept the ring means to accept the guy. However, these days, I think accepting the ring is like making a promise that the girl agrees, and that she’s not going to accept anyone else’s proposal. But he said his family kinda practice the traditions so..
Anyway, we didn’t really do it the traditional way. No poetry, but just casual words. I think if there was a poem, my dad would be even more nervous than I was. haha. The ring wasn’t even compulsory, but he said he wanted to give me one. Oh, he also brought chocolates, quite a lot, more than enough for my family.

Anyway, during the feast, my nervousness subdued (maybe I was nervous partly because I was so darn hungry). Since my dad was talking to his dad, and my mum talking to his mum, it was only the two of us left. I was a lil’ shy to talk to him too much so we just talked a bit and mostly spent the time eating the food. It’d be awkward to just sit, and do nothing. Plus, I love roti jala and lamb kuzi, it’s one of my favourite Kelantanese dish. In the end, to my surprise (and my parents) I had half of my plate filled with the bones, concrete evidence of the amount of food I consumed. I looked over at Eddie’s plate and saw that he had eaten as much. Heck, we even shamelessly moved the roti jala next to us for easy access. Haha. I’ve just lost over 3 kilos as result of my super lazy “diet” so I thought I deserved a lil’ treat for myself, though I agree, it didn’t necessarily have to be during merisik.

Hopefully his parents didn’t mind that I’m a big eater. At least, I’ve proven that I’m not anorexic. Plus, it’s not like I’m fat (by the standard definition) so I really hope that they don’t mind. Haha. Before they left, we gave them some Serunding and lil’ serunding popiah my grandma just brought from Kelantan. All in all, it went well.

I was a little numb after that, unable to believe what has just happened, and how. Then, I continued another round of roti jala and lamb kuzi. Haha. Later, I started to feel happy and freaked out. I still am. I mean, I’m not even 20 (yet!) and I’m already going through this? Good luck.

So, there you go, what happened on Saturday. Now that the weekend is over, so is my food indulgence pass. Oh well.

Oh yea, my birthday is just around the corner, and I’m wondering what should I buy as a gift for myself. I wanted to get a watch but Eddie wants to give me one so I’ll just have to find another gift for myself. Plus, I forgot my brithday is coming up so I forgot to save up for a watch. I kept thinking to save up to buy a watch on November, for some reason. Weird. Anyway, maybe I’ll get a new set of makeup or a pair of nice shoes.

p.s, for some reason wordpress published this entry prematurely eventhough I clicked save as draft. weird.

p.p.s, It’s so weird having this ring on my finger. But I love the ring! hehe

The Internet’s been so bonkers. One minute it’s fine, (and really fast) but the next, it’s gone. It’s like when someone gives you your favourite candy and in the midst of enjoying the rich cherry flavour, that person snatches it back before you even get to the bubble gum in the center.

As some of you might already aware of, I like to create things. Though I know I’m not as great as many other hobbyists, I know I’m good to a certain extend. I know that I have taste, but I have yet to express it. I won’t call myself a fashion designer even though I design my own patterns now because I’m not even sure if I’m making clothes or fashion. Fashion are not clothes and vice versa. Fashion is more than just clothes. There’s something about it that makes people very nervous about. Clothes are just something that people wear. There are cute clothes and ugly clothes. And there’s fashion.

Anyway, the thing is, I get demotivated really easily, especially when that criticism comes from people whom I care about, like my mum. I think she doesn’t really know the art of criticism that what she says can be harsh and insulting. Lets say when I try to pitch her my ideas about my projects, she goes to saying something rather negative directly, often short without any explanation. Sure, it does make me take a step back and rethink but mostly, it stirs the impression that maybe I’m just not good enough. I’m already hearing criticism or comments from other people and all I want to hear is a bit of confident boost so that I’ll make something better in that direction.Despite all that, in the end, I still manage to find strength to work my way through it, and kick ass.

Telling my mum about my next garment making project isn’t going to do me any good as she doesn’t see my point of view. I regret the fact that I consulted her and well, it influenced my direction and I was mislead. In the end, I hated the result, thinking I should’ve made it what I wanted it to be in the first place. Sometimes I know what she says is true but I was in denial. I learn things on my own, a self-taught and along the way, sometimes I make mistakes and stumble. But that’s okay, I should allow myself to make mistakes.

So, in short, the lesson learned is:

a) When in doubt, keep it simple.

b) When something doesn’t feel right, it doesnt. Follow your guts. Learn to trust your instincts.

c) Plan ahead, and go for it.

And I think, these three lessons are applicable for many cases.

The reason why I’m writing this is because I made a few clothes over the weeks and I have one that’s unfinished because I really hate it and do not even wish to continue working on it cause I feel like it’s not worth it, (there goes 30 bucks of fabric). One, which I’m not too sure of, I think it looks too androgynous but the fit is great. Another one that I can’t decide whether to hate it or love it because I screwed up the fit and it went off a lil’ bit and I’m just a goddamn perfectionist.

On the bright side, I’ve lost a few kilos (and a bit of boobies) so I enjoy looking at my stripped bod in front of the mirror right now, (except after I had lunch) imagining myself having those hate-it-or-love-it stick figure bods we see on the runway. I know I sound vain, but deep down, aren’t we all?  We just hate to admit it.

p.s, I want to fly to US , buy a whole lot of Aldo shoes and live with them.